You know when they tell you to check your credit report? Do it. I wasn’t a victim of identity theft, but my credit report was a travesty of nonsense. Luckily, it isn’t a huge deal, but this situation could have been much worse.

On the up-side, I go to work in the morning. Huzzah!

Oh, snap… diet stuff:

I am down to 212.2lbs. I would have to imagine that is from the initial water weight loss. I certainly have not generated a 12,000 calorie deficit in the last three days. I’m doing pretty well with The Hunger, but I could really go for a beer right now.
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Today has been the first day of my new diet. Glorious. I’ve done this successfully before, so I know what to expect. That would be “I want to hunt and kill a cow, and eat it whole”.

It seems I have kept some good habits and there wasn’t too much wrong with what I was already eating in my kitchen. I just need to control the size of my portions, and I am going to have to be careful with what I eat outside of the house. It is far cheaper not to eat out, but it sometimes just unavoidable unless you desire the life of a social outcast.

Anywho, today I weigh 216.6. That is actually about 5-9 pounds [b]less[/b] than I thought I was going to weigh, so I am already well on my way to my initial goal. I’m trying to hit 190lbs, and see where I should go from there. My suggested BMI weight is 178 or so, but I looked a little freaky when I hit 185 back in the day. We’ll see what happens.

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I was doing a little research today for a project I’ll be working on through the month of June. That involved hitting the local drug store and Target to check out their greeting cards. I discovered two jokes have gotten big.

Fart Jokes
The fart joke is a classic, but has long been too crass for the world of greeting card humor. The humor of the greeting card is of the “groaner” style of comedy. The jokes aren’t designed to make you laugh. Rather, they are designed to physically injure you with lameness. As generation X starts shopping on QVS and caring too much about how the lawn is doing, their assinine sense of humor (which I am hardly above) is becoming more mainstream. The fart joke can be found fairly often in birthday cards, but it is most powerful in the father’s day card section. There is nothing a dad wants to know more on his day that the people who love him notice how gassy he is. Thanks assholes!!

I’m masturbating!
You would have to buy one of those sticky cards at Spencer’s Gifts when I was a kid to find a card that would imply that the author rubbed one out while crafting their festive wishes, but today you can get them anywhere. I have no need for a card like this, because the sentiment is more or less an understood in all areas of my life. Here’s my rent check, and you may want to wash your hands after you cash that! These are usually birthday cards. It would be pretty screwed up if one of these were to exist for Mother’s Day or Congrats on your new baby, not that the urge to hand pen one hasn’t been intense.

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