I’ve stumbled into a bit of down time recently. Now when I am busy, I pray for downtime. If I didn’t have to work 8 or more hours a day, I would get so much done I would say. Then I would light a cigar with a $100 bill and the cigar would have a wrapper made of 20s and would be filled with a mixture of tobacco and shredded fives. The problem with down time is that I am not earning any money, and when I was earning money, as I have just stated, I used it for hilarious and redundant sight gags. You can’t even see the shredded fives in the cigar! What was I thinking?! And that can’t be good for my lungs.

So what do I do? I could mope. I could figure out a way to make every electronic device in my house do something through hacked firmware that violates federal copyright law. OR I could get off my butt and update my horribly out-of-date portfolio package. That would be the responsible way to spend this time.

In unrelated news: my microwave can now gets free XM radio.

Above is an annoyingly tiny picture of my desktop showing the development of a new intro video that will play before future cartoons, reels, and erotic yet tasteful (read: black and white) webcam videos that will let the viewer know that TIM FARRELL apparently made whatever it is you loaded in your video screen. Then someone who isn’t me that scours free videos off the web will slap their watermark in the bottom right corner and collect ad dollars off of it. I will get none of these ad dollars. Don’t cry for me, because while that was going on I was watching an illegally downloaded movie where Jason Statham had to have sex with a tank falling out of a helicopter in order to make it shoot an evil yakuza T-rex wearing stylish sunglasses.

I have been using the same business cards since around 06, and they started looking… awful? Something worse than awful, like maybe “dook-tastic” where you pronounce the “tastic” like “taste” so it implies that the cards are like putting poop in your mouth.

I mean they look like some (very handsome) 26 year old made them in MS Office and printed them out with an inkjet. That 26 year old is dead now (I blame video games) and has been replaced with a 29 year old (quite handsome) man who appreciates thick card stocks, lamination, and two sided color printing.

My cards finally came in the mail, and I don’t think I could be happier unless they had been official office cards that read “head dude in charge of stuff especially like getting paid” or “guy who collects giant checks and hangs out by the pool most days and he’s probably drunk but that is cool because it is his job”. This would be hard to fit on a card, but they are office cards so I didn’t have to design them. Maybe it will just contain a link that sends you to a description of my incredible lifestyle and awesome paychecks.

That’s the back of one of them; the ‘zany’ card. I had 4 different backside images printed because I want people to waste my money and needlessly collect them all.

I went through moo.com. Like I said, I couldn’t be happier with what I got, but I should disclose that I have been paid negative $28 after shipping to tell you how great they are.

I’m almost out of my old business cards, so I was thinking of making some new ones. Got sidetracked updating the logo, but I think it looks a lot better.