I don’t update a lot right now, and that really is a shame. I used to fill my journal with fanatic rants about how video game plots were allegories for taboo sex acts. There’s some stuff going on… but… dammit.

I suppose I can’t just throw out “video games plots as allegories for sex acts” and just leave it. The original Super Mario Bros is all about sex, gay and straight. The mushrooms are cocks, and eating cock makes you bigger. BIGGER. The “star” is obviously an allusion to the asshole, and apparently butt fucking makes Mario very excited. You also stomp on brown cocks… I mean look at this picture I made two years ago… crap I lost it… OK I remade it in two seconds though. That’s how friggin obvious this is:

There. You’re jumping on those the whole game. Not only that, you’re popping turtles out of their shells, which is some sort of poop reference, I’m sure.

That’s the short of it. Now I was going to talk about how my grandmother just passed away and all that, but that’s sort of totally and completely inappropriate now. I can’t say that it wouldn’t be fitting on some weird level to write about her in the breathe as I wax on about mario dongs.

Before I forget, the title for this entry is from a shopping list she gave us once.

There really isn’t much else going on with me. I’m working at a psychiatric hospital with crazy people for the summer. I haven’t had much time to do anything creative aside from working on the t-shirts. I just got new stencil material, so I think sometime next week I’ll have new shirts available. Here’s a photoshop rough sketch of what I’m thinking about.

For those of you who need it explained to them, it is a parody of OBEY. Check out www.obeygiant.com for some cool shit.

(ha… I had it as obey.com at first. Shocker, it was actually porn.)

I love when people say things like “if the bullet was just three inches to the right, it would have killed you.” OK… but if it was three inches to the left it would have been nothing more than a scary noise, and I wouldn’t be in the hospital.

I mean hypothetically speaking. I’m not in the hospital, and no one has been shooting at me.

Cell phone cameras are great.

If I was 10 seconds slower missing work, I could have been directly involved in this accident. Maybe. Assuming like a billion probabilities. If I had been 10 seconds slower, maybe I’d have won the lottery and the guy in the car accident would have stopped for ice cream. Who the hell knows?

I’m not sure what caused the accident. It happened about a car length behind me one lane over. I’d guess he was speeding, but all I saw was a car flipping in the air in my side-view. I thought he had a blow-out, but that wasn’t the case. No one saw why he swerved.

The driver was taken away in an ambo, but he was conscious and had all his parts.

I’m assuming I’ll be hearing from this dude’s insurance people every two days for the next month wanting the same statement over and over and over again.

I’m making a little bit of money off of the t-shirt sales. The flow is hardly enough to put a serious investment into my amazing Helicopter-Train idea, but there were funds available for me to commission a painting of Batman being crucified.

I think I’m going to commission a few more, but I need to save up a bit. BUY MORE SHIRTS!

It is retarded hot.

I’ve been reading about a book a week this summer until recently. I’ve been working on Vonnegut’s Hocus Pocus pretty slowly. I like Vonnegut a lot and get sad when I finish a book I like. I’m not the sort of person who rereads books often or watches movies multiple times. I got the new Harry Potter book, and killed it in two nights. That is no reflection on how much I liked it; I was borrowing the book.

I think I mentioned it here already: I like Harry Potter, but I don’t dress up like a wizard and hang out with 13 year olds like Harry Potter. It’s a good drawn out adventure story with a lot of background and character development and weird european terms like “snog”. This is a huge spoiler, but there’s a lot of “snogging” in the 6th book. Even though I know what the term means, I can’t help but laugh and think of something far worse. I’m sure legions of gross fan-fic writers are WAY ahead of my.

After work today I stopped off at the post office, and I’ve caught up with all the t-shirt orders. I really need to challenge my sweatshop-like working conditions.

Figured I’d write an update for the sake of writing an update.

T-shirts are coming along. I wonder if the cashier thinks it’s weird when I buy 7 gray shirts, all different sizes. Maybe my weight fluxuates a lot, and I don’t want other people to notice. I got a little behind on orders because of a mini-vacation the weekend before last. This weekend I should get all caught up.

Rick’s gray is apparently the favorite. I like khaki even if it makes me look like I’m dressed as a giant piece of poop.

Nothing else is going on. I haven’t updated that book thing on the sidebar in quite awhile. I’ve read about 6 books since Fear and Loathing. I’m trying to make a Vonnegut last until the new Harry Potter comes out. I like Harry Potter, but I don’t dress like a wizard and hang out with 12 year olds like Harry Potter.

I finally started playing Kingdom Hearts, which is apparently a Sanrio licence away from being some fat nerdy 14 year old girl’s wet dream.