I don’t update a lot right now, and that really is a shame. I used to fill my journal with fanatic rants about how video game plots were allegories for taboo sex acts. There’s some stuff going on… but… dammit.

I suppose I can’t just throw out “video games plots as allegories for sex acts” and just leave it. The original Super Mario Bros is all about sex, gay and straight. The mushrooms are cocks, and eating cock makes you bigger. BIGGER. The “star” is obviously an allusion to the asshole, and apparently butt fucking makes Mario very excited. You also stomp on brown cocks… I mean look at this picture I made two years ago… crap I lost it… OK I remade it in two seconds though. That’s how friggin obvious this is:

There. You’re jumping on those the whole game. Not only that, you’re popping turtles out of their shells, which is some sort of poop reference, I’m sure.

That’s the short of it. Now I was going to talk about how my grandmother just passed away and all that, but that’s sort of totally and completely inappropriate now. I can’t say that it wouldn’t be fitting on some weird level to write about her in the breathe as I wax on about mario dongs.

Before I forget, the title for this entry is from a shopping list she gave us once.

There really isn’t much else going on with me. I’m working at a psychiatric hospital with crazy people for the summer. I haven’t had much time to do anything creative aside from working on the t-shirts. I just got new stencil material, so I think sometime next week I’ll have new shirts available. Here’s a photoshop rough sketch of what I’m thinking about.

For those of you who need it explained to them, it is a parody of OBEY. Check out www.obeygiant.com for some cool shit.

(ha… I had it as obey.com at first. Shocker, it was actually porn.)

I love when people say things like “if the bullet was just three inches to the right, it would have killed you.” OK… but if it was three inches to the left it would have been nothing more than a scary noise, and I wouldn’t be in the hospital.

I mean hypothetically speaking. I’m not in the hospital, and no one has been shooting at me.

Cell phone cameras are great.

If I was 10 seconds slower missing work, I could have been directly involved in this accident. Maybe. Assuming like a billion probabilities. If I had been 10 seconds slower, maybe I’d have won the lottery and the guy in the car accident would have stopped for ice cream. Who the hell knows?

I’m not sure what caused the accident. It happened about a car length behind me one lane over. I’d guess he was speeding, but all I saw was a car flipping in the air in my side-view. I thought he had a blow-out, but that wasn’t the case. No one saw why he swerved.

The driver was taken away in an ambo, but he was conscious and had all his parts.

I’m assuming I’ll be hearing from this dude’s insurance people every two days for the next month wanting the same statement over and over and over again.

I’m making a little bit of money off of the t-shirt sales. The flow is hardly enough to put a serious investment into my amazing Helicopter-Train idea, but there were funds available for me to commission a painting of Batman being crucified.

I think I’m going to commission a few more, but I need to save up a bit. BUY MORE SHIRTS!